Halo vs Hogwarts
by Domenion
Summary: Master Chief, The Arbiter, A blue elite and a pair of Hunters called the Bobsy Twins help Harry in his quest to kill The Dark Lord. M for language and other stuff. Please review.
1. New Friends

Chapter 1

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride," said the preacher and with that Bill and Fleur Weasly kissed. All the other Weaslys including Harry, Hermione, and other family friends clapped and cheered as Bill and Fleur walked down the isle. Fred and George set off fireworks and the feast began. Just as the food was being cleared away the sky suddenly became very dark and cloudy which was very strange because it was a bright and sunny day. Looking up everyone saw a swirling vortex in the clouds. Suddenly five figures fell from the vortex and before they hit the ground the vortex was gone along with the dark clouds.

"What the blue blazes was that," cried Ron looking confused and startled.

"I don't know," said Ginny.

"It looked like some sort of gateway to another dimension," said Harry.

"Thanks for stating the obvious Harry," said Hermione.

Suddenly a loud roar was heard as two of the five figures stood and started walking towards the group of party goers. These two were enormous each as big as Hagrid yet covered in strange blue armor. They both had huge shields and what looked like canons on their arms which began to glow bright green. Then with a whooshing bang two green jets each bigger than a man flew towards the party. The first hit the gazebo, which had been erected for the wedding, causing it to explode. The second hit the broom shed it likewise exploded.

"_In the name of the sacred rings hold your fire!_" called a tall thin figure. The two advancing figures stopped but continued to point their canons at the party. Now the rest of the figures were standing. There were two other tall thin figures standing now.

"Where do you suppose we are demon," said one of the tall thin figures.

"My sensors say that we are on Earth," said the other tall thin figure.

"What do you suppose they are talking about," asked Ron who was hiding behind the over turned table.

"I don't know but I'm going to find out," said Harry standing up and walking towards where the two thin figures stood talking.

"Hold your fire," said one of the tall thin figures who Harry could see it was wearing what looked like green armor with a polarized face plate. "He looks human I'll talk to him."

"Hey! What's the big Idea shooting at us like that," said Harry.

"Those two are just trigger happy," said the green figure with a stern female voice.

"I see, so what are you guys doing here," asked Harry.

"No idea, one minute we're fighting the Covenant the next we're here," said the other tall figure, who Harry saw was not human.

"_Hey Harry, is it safe_!" called Ron.

"I'm going to guess he is a friend of yours," said the green figure.

"Look you guys kind of crashed our wedding," said Harry.

"What is this w-e-d-d-i-n-g you speak of," said the non human figure.

"Stage one of the mating ritual," said the green figure who Harry finally decided was a girl.

"Oh, now I see," said the non human figure.

"Harry tell your friends to come join us, we have plenty of food," called Mrs. Weasly.

"Ok, I know that this is against my better judgment but for some reason I feel like I can trust you guys, so do you want to come and join the party," said Harry.

"OOOO, what kind of party?" said another tall figure with a kind of growl.

"I'm kind of curious, who are you guys," said Harry as they started walking back towards The Burrow.

"My name is Cortana," said the green figure.

"I am the Arbiter," said the non human figure.

"And I am Zumagy," said the other non human figure.

"What about those two," said Harry pointing at the two huge figures that were still glaring at the rest of the party.

"Just call them The Bobsy Twins," said the Arbiter.

After that the party got back under way but with five new guests all of which appeared to be at least seven feet tall. The Bobsy Twins continued to growl menacingly and shake the spikes on their backs at anyone who got close until they saw Grawp and made no sound for the rest of the party. Cortana gave everyone a real scare when she spoke with a man's voice. After that everyone just assumed that she had a split personality. Later on they found out that she was an A.I. construct inside a battle suite piloted by a man. Nobody understood what that meant so they all stuck with the whole split personality thing. Zumagy threw up repeatedly because he accidentally swallowed one of Fred and George's puking pastels though everyone knew it was no accident because Fred handed him the plate of food. After Ginny gave Zumagy the antidote and told him what happened he chased Fred and George around the garden. The Arbiter however congratulated Fleur for choosing such a brave warrior for a mate. He and Bill got into a long conversation concerning what each scar was from. After The Arbiter saw Zumagy chasing Fred and George he proceeded to call him a 'glagbarl', whatever that meant. Everyone assumed it meant 'ass' or something like that because when he said it Zumagy stopped and walked back to the party. After a little while Zumagy threw Fred into the duck pond. A few seconds latter he threw George, by the seat of his pants, into Fred who was climbing out of the pond. Everyone congratulated Zumagy for teaching Fred and George a lesson that they won't soon forget.


	2. Purple Ketchup

A/N: Thank you Zed of Vesper for leaving a review. I am open to suggestions from anyone, as to what kind of trouble the characters should get into.

Chapter 2

When morning rolled around and Mrs. Weasly called everyone down to breakfast, Zumagy who had found human food to be very delightful, came running and tripped over Crookshanks at the top of the stairs, and in a spectacular leap/dive flew face first into the stone support column at the base of the stairs, thus knocking himself out. When the Arbiter saw Zumagy at the base of the stairs, unconscious, he said, 'daglfralt,' which all who heard it assumed it meant something like, 'dumbass,' or 'retard.'

"Is he going to he okay," asked Ginny who, on her way down the stairs, had stopped next to Zumagy's limp body.

"Hell if I should know," said The Arbiter shrugging his shoulders.

When Cortana came down the stairs she simply kicked Zumagy off to the side and sat down next to Arbiter at the table. Then she shocked the living daylights out of everyone sitting at the table by taking off her helmet only to reveal a man's head. Harry did a double take, Ron blew partly chewed eggs out his nose, Ginny gagged on her sausage, Gabrielle fell out of her chair, Hermione's milk went down the wrong pipe, and Mrs. Weasly dropped a frying pan full of bacon.

"We all thought you were a girl," said Harry.

"No, I'm a girl," said the man's helmet, "and his name is Master Chief."

"Glad you could join us demon," said Arbiter.

"I'm only doing this because this food looks so damn good," said Master Chief.

"What the bloody hell was that!" said Ron after a loud roar was heard outside.

"The twins must be up," said Chief.

"I see," said Mrs. Weasly, "So Gabrielle, how long will you be staying with us?"

"Till my sister gets back from her honeymoon," said Gabrielle.

"Hey everybody, sorry we missed the party," said Tonks as she, Moody, and Lupin walked in after giving Mr. Weasly the okay.

"Why didn't you tell us you were going to get security trolls," growled Moody.

"We didn't call for any trolls," said Mrs. Weasly looking puzzled.

"What, then why are there two armored trolls outside," asked Lupin.

"Those aren't trolls outside," said Chief while putting on his helmet.

"And who might you be," growled Moody eyeing Chief.

"A super soldier trained in the art of killing since childhood," said Chief.

"Owww my head, what did I miss," said Zumagy walking down the stairs rubbing his head, "Hay, who's the funny looking gimp with the cane and where did the slut with the pink hair come from."

"Look who's talking you split lip bastard," said Tonks in a rather angry tone.

"Oh, did I say slut. I'm so sorry, what I meant to say was…" and with that Zumagy walked up to Tonks. His seven and a half foot stature towering over her five foot stature, leaned down and proceeded to roar the word, "_WHORE,_" in her face before walking over to the table to sit down and eat breakfast.

"Who do you think you are talking to her like that," growled Moody.

Before anyone could say or do anything Master Chief and The Arbiter stepped up behind Zumagy and proceeded to smash Zumagy's head into the table. Purple goop splattered everywhere.

"Grape juice anyone?" asked Chief.

"Ugh…I think I'm gon-a be sick," said Ginny, who like everyone who was sitting at the table, was splattered with purple goop.

After that no one could finish their food except Chief and the Arbiter. About two hours later Zumagy woke up. His face had been crushed. He looked like he had run face first into a parked car. Around three o'clock Harry, Ron, and Hermione left to begin their search for Voldimort.

A/N: I know this was a bit short but the next Ch. should be longer. Now remember boys and girls to leave reviews for me to read and gather confidence from.


	3. Spoils of War

A/N: Zumagy in not from the game. He is just a random Elite I made up. Also I have gotten many e-mails saying that Zumagy should be spelled as Zumaggee. It will be spelled like this from now on. For those of you who are wondering Zumaggee is pronounced as (Zoo, mu as in mud, g as in got, and ee as in bee.

Disclaimer: Only Zumaggee, the Bobsy Twins, and any other non recognizable characters and the plot are mine. I own nothing else. I wish I did though, because then _I WOULD BE FUCKING RICH!_

Chapter 3

"Holy One you wished to see me?" growled a large ape like thing.

"Yes I did," said a creature who was sitting in a floating chair. The creature had a large crown, a long neck, and what looked like hairy testicles hanging from his chin.

"What is it, you ask of me?"

"Have you found their location yet?"

"Holy One, it appears they have gone through a gateway."

"Take some ships and follow them."

"As you wish Holy One."

"Remember all our hopes are riding on your shoulders."

"I will not fail you like he did."

"Go, and be our instrument."

"AIEEEEEEEEE!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" cried Ginny. In the weeks following the wedding Zumaggee managed to prove to everyone that he is the biggest dumb ass on the planet. He managed to get his head stuck in the u-bend of the toilet one morning, though no one can figure out how. When he was questioned his reply was, _'I was trying to figure out where the water went.'_ On another occasion he ate a bunch of mushrooms he found in the garden and was very sick at his stomach for the next three days. On yet another occasion he got into Ginny's closet and tried on some of her perverted toys. After that he was found wearing a strap-on and telling everyone he met, _'Hey everybody I'm human now!'_ A little bit after that he was found spying on Ginny while she took a shower. Everyone was downstairs minding their own business when a loud scream followed by Zumaggee's thunderous foot falls. The next thing they saw was Zumaggee run down the stairs and out the front door with Ginny, wearing only a towel, hot on his heels screaming something about perverted sexual predators. After that he somehow managed to lock himself in the attic with the ghoul. He was found hours later curled up into a ball in the corner, wide eyed and saying 'Yaba' over and over again. When he was told to de-gnome the garden, he turned it into a barren crater covered wasteland after he decided to role grenades down the gnome burrows. And lastly he managed to put him self under the cruseartus curse when he got a hold of Ginny's wand. The strange thing about this was that he laughed and acted like he was being tickled.

"Hey, where's Arbiter," said Ginny.

"I believe he said something about house training Zumaggee," answered her mother.

"Do you know where they went?"

"Try the paddock."

"Thanks mum," said Ginny. Ginny walked out to the paddock and found the Arbiter and Zumaggee as well as Chief and the Bobsy Twins.

"Greetings Ginny," growled the Arbiter.

"So this is where you guys went," said Ginny, "What are you up to?"

"We figured out that Zumaggee's never ending curiosity is due to his overwhelming boredom," said Cortana.

"So what are you guys going to do about it," asked Ginny.

"We don't know yet" replied Cortana.

"Might I make a suggestion," said Ginny, "Mum, Dad, and I are going to go get my school things on Friday and I was wondering if you guys would join us?"

"That sounds good to me," said the Arbiter.

At last Friday arrived and everyone including the Bobsy Twins found themselves inside of the Leakey Caldron. As soon as they entered Diagon Ally, both Zumaggee and The Arbiter turned transparent and faded into the shadows freaking everyone out except MC and the Bobsy twins. Their first stop was Green Gots, the wizarding bank. On their way to the bank the other shoppers stared at them, not so much at the Weaslys but at Chief and the twins. It was a little unnerving. The twins who were massive and wide ended up bulldozing their way through the crowd. When they got to the bank the twins took up defensive positions on either side of the front doors. Once they got all of Ginny's things they all made their way to Fred's and George's joke shop.

"Good to see you two again," said Chief extending his hand. When Fred took it everyone heard a loud sizzling sound followed by a series of pops. "Sorry," said Cortana, "loose wire," Fred's hair was now standing on end. He was smoking and there was a strange smell of roast beef.

"OWWWW," said Fred holding his blistering hand.

"Gotcha," someone cried grabbing a little kid and lifting him into the air. Looking around the others saw a terrified looking kid floating about five feet off the ground. MC merely walked over and punched the air above the kid. With a muffled thump the kid hit the floor and Zumaggee could be seen flying into one of the twins.

"So that's where you went," said the Arbiter reappearing beside MC looking at Zumaggee.

"DEATH EATERS" cried someone outside. Looking around everyone could see numerous jets of different colored light crisscrossing out side the shop. Having already been told about the Death Eaters MC and the others sprang into action. The Bobsy Twins, as massive as they were, moved out into the ally and made use of their bulk by being living reinforced mobile cannons. Stunned by the appearance of these newcomers, the Death Eaters began to fire hexes at the two. To their surprise the spells merely pinged off the armor at odd angles. The Twins, however, were unfazed by this and began to fire huge jets of plasma at the Death Eaters who ran for cover. The Arbiter and Zumaggee began to attack from the shadows. These two showed no signs of mercy as they mutilated the unsuspecting Death Eaters with ease. Meanwhile, MC had taken up a sniping position where he could easily see the carnage taking place. Soon after, shots rang out and the Death Eaters began to fall. Towards the end of the fight the ministry showed up only to see the few remaining Death Eaters slaughtered by the Zumaggee and The Arbiter.

"Zumaggee," called Arbiter, "where are you going with that human?" Zumaggee, who was carrying a kicking and screaming Bellatrix, stopped and turned.

"The red haired twins have told me of how human females can be most pleasurable if handled in a certain way," said a rather happy looking Zumaggee. Bellatrix realized what this meant and began to beg for mercy. The last they saw of Zumaggee, was him and his prize walking into Fred and George's apartment.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait but you know how writer's block works.


	4. Pies

Chapter 4

_MASSACRE AT DIAGON ALLY_

_Yesterday Diagon Ally was the scene of a violent and bloody clash between Death Eaters and five unknown assailants. Eyewitnesses tell us that the Death Eaters had just begun their attack when the other five began to lash back. "Two of them were as big as trolls and covered thick armor which caused incoming spells to bounce off," said one eyewitness. The other three could not be identified because of the speed at which they moved. However there are some reports of a tall green man and two tall. . ._

Ginny sat reading the paper next to Neville and Luna on the train. Across from them sat a sleeping Zumaggee. After his little excursion with Bellatrix, he had been sleeping a lot. Beside him sat Tonks, who was only there because the ministry thought it best if aurors accompanied the students on the train. She also got the job of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. After hearing of the Diagon incident Professor McGonagall thought that having MC, Zumaggee, Arbiter, and the twins around would be a good thing.

When they got to the platform, MC and the others went with Hagrid. Later on, Hagrid told them that it took four boats apiece to transport each of the twins. The sorting ceremony was a memorable one indeed. Manny of the new first years were so utterly terrified of the twins that they burst into tears or wet themselves. Zumaggee reciting cooking recipes, all of which involved humans, wasn't helping at all. The twins were put into Slitherin, though only because they consider humans to be less than the dirt beneath their feet. Arbiter went to Hufflepuff and MC went to Ravenclaw. Eventually it was only Zumaggee left and it took the hat half an hour to decide on Gryffindor. Professor McGonagall then told everyone that MC and the others were to be their house guardians. In the instance of the school being attacked they would defend their houses and the students and they take orders directly from the Headmistress.

"We have to two new staff members this year," said Professor McGonagall and the hall went quiet. "Miss Nymphadora Tonks will be filling in for Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher this year." Tonks stood and waved to the students. "And may I introduce Dr. Catherine Halsey who will be teaching a new subject, Advanced Numerical Theory and Science." Dr Halsey stood and then sat. Beside her sat a figure just as tall and wearing the same green armor as MC. "And her assistant Kelly." Kelly only waved at the students.

When the food appeared Zumaggee became a ravenous animal and ate everything within arms reach. MC took off his helmet and he and Cortana had a conversation with some of the students. The Arbiter, like Zumaggee, ate everything within arms reach but managed to answer almost all the questions the students asked him. The twins, however, merely made growling noises back and forth as they consumed almost everything on the table.

Before everyone could leave, the hall doors burst open and a figure stumbled in. The figure had long matted brown hair that was flecked with blood and dirt. The figure wore dirty raged clothing that literally hung off of their boney body. As they walked they left a trail of blood. The figure stopped in the middle of the hall swayed for a second than fell. Zumaggee was a flash of blue as he launched himself over the table and caught the person before they hit the stone floor. When he rolled the person over everyone saw it was Hermione.

* * *

"Why should we join with you, human," said a large hairy thing.

"According to my information, you have no way of getting back and you like to kill humans," said a tall figure with glowing red eyes.

"Fine, we'll join you on one condition, you have to help us get back."

"Now that this is settled please make yourselves at home."

"Thank you human."

* * *

It had now been a week since Hermione had turned up in the Great Hall. When she assessed the situation, McGonagall sent Hermione to St. Mungos to be treated. Seeing as how the school still needed protection Zumaggee was sent to look after Hermione leaving the others at the school. Kelly had taken over Zumaggee's post as Gryffindor's guardian.

"Zumaggee," said Mrs. Weasly, "could you take Ginny to the cafeteria and get her to eat something? She hasn't left Hermione's side in over three days." Molly had been in the hospital with Hermione because both of Hermione's parents had been killed by Death Eaters only a couple of days ago.

"Sure," said Zumaggee getting up. And with out another word he picked a protesting Ginny up and carried her out the door. Once they were outside they made their way up to the cafeteria. As they walked some of the people recognized Zumaggee from the Diagon Ally Incident.

"Look mommy, there he is," cried a small girl running up to Zumaggee and hugging his leg.

"What the!" looking down Zumaggee saw a tiny girl attached to his leg. He then picked her up and called out to the crowd of on lookers. "Does this belong to anyone?"

"She's mine," said a witch running up and taking the girl from Zumaggee's grasp. "Thank for saving us from the Death Eaters back there."

"You know what, that reminds me," said Zumaggee putting his hands on his hips, "They call themselves Death Eaters right? Well does that mean that they eat death? Because if that is true, then does that mean that they poop life?" when he said this a few of the onlookers laughed and the others just grinned. Eventually they managed to get to the cafeteria only to see that it was closed. Before Ginny could turn around Zumaggee had broken the door down and was already behind the counter rummaging through boxes for some food. After a few minutes he returned holding a box of mini-pies. Then the two sat down and began to eat. About half way through their meal a healer came up and was about to start yelling at the two when he realized that Zumaggee was one of five at Diagon Ally and simply told them to carry on. When they were done the two made their way back down the stairs towards Hermione's room. Rather than leave the box of pies Zumaggee decided to take it with them. Eventually they made it back to the room to see that Hermione was awake and crying.

"We come bearing gifts of pies," growled Zumaggee. Before the healer on duty could say anything Zumaggee tossed Hermione a pie which she tore into. But before she could eat it the healer grabbed it and threw it away. Hermione who was crying from her ordeal and now pieless began to cry even harder.

"She needs real food," said the healer with a stern look on his face, "not pies." Zumaggee suddenly grabbed the man by his collar and lifted him into the air with one hand.

"She is unhappy," growled Zumaggee, "and pie will make her feel better!" before the others could say a word Zumaggee tossed Hermione a pie and then threw the healer against the wall with a sickening crunch. Then he picked the pie munching Hermione up and said, "These humans only know how to heal the body, not the spirit," and with that said he walked to the main lobby still holding Hermione, grabbed some flew powder and was gone. Some minutes passes before the others managed to say anything.

"I never thought to use food as a way to calm someone," said Molly breaking the silence, "and I'm a mother."

"Hang on, where did he take her," said Arthur.

"Probably back to the school," said Ginny.


	5. Te feck are those things?

Chapter 5

When Ginny and the others got back to the castle they found that Hermione was not there, in fact she was no where to be found. It was almost as if she and Zumaggee had disappeared off the face of the planet

"Hey Arbiter," said MC one day during a Quiddich match, "why does Zumaggee act the way he does?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well he has no sense of honor like the other Elites."

"That's because he was raised on a human colony."

"I didn't think that the hatred between our species would allow that kind of stuff to happen."

"Based off the intelligence we gathered from the colony they had crash landed there a hundred years before the war even started."

"What system was it?"

"I don't remember."

"He's not very cunning is he?"

"I don't know much more that that, but whatever you do don't make him mad."

"Why?"

"Just, don't." The two watched the match for a little while and saw a bludger knock one player clean off his broom.

"So, what do you think of this place?" said MC.

"It's kind of nice."

"I agree." Another bludger flew over their heads and nailed a player right in the mouth causing a bit of blood splatter.

"I wonder how much force those things hit with."

"Looks like a straight punch from a brute"

"Think they could be used as weapons?"

"Probably."

"Hey guys, what's up?" said Kelly walking up to them.

"Not much, just thinking about how those bludger things could be used as weapons," said MC as another player was taken out.

"Oh here is a list of possibilities that I have made," said Kelly handing over a role of parchment.

"Let's see here," said MC, "Bludger—large tungsten ball used to decimate fleet formations."

"We need to make them large enough so they can be fired from MACs," said Kelly while watching one team score.

"Dragon—release on brute home world," said the Arbiter reading over MC's shoulder. "That sounds good."

"Acramantula—guard dog,"

"Damn Kelly, this is a long list," said MC. "Tell you what, I'll read over this later."

"How much longer do you think the match will last?" said the Arbiter.

"Quiet a while, I'm sure," said Kelly holding the snitch up for the others to see. Before they could answer Dr. Halsey walked up.

"So this is where you guys have been hiding," she said to the group. "John, I managed to make contact with the fleet and they are sending some ships."

"How many?" said MC.

"Two," said Halsey, "one from each faction. I think a capital ship and a carrier."

"When will they get here?" said the Arbiter. Before the Dr. could answer the same swirling black clouds that had dropped MC and Arbiter appeared over the pitch. Two huge ships came through and then the clouds were gone. One was purple and bloated in appearance; the other was grey and very angular. By now the game had stopped and everyone was looking at the ships. The purple ship dropped a large black thing and then a purple beam connected the two. The grey ship hovered over the lake and began to launch small grey ships which seemed to shuttle people to the ground.

"What's going on here?" said McGonagall walking up. She looked scared.

"Relax, they're here to help," said Halsey.

As it turns out Halsey had not told the headmistress about the ships. Later on in her office, McGonagall met with Captain Miranda Keyes and Commander Mezamee Utakee. The two told her that they had been sent to protect the castle and all its inhabitants. They were also to check out the various things magic could do and see if it could possibly be used in the fleet.

"Well now that that's cleared up would you like to see the school," said McGonagall getting up from her desk.

"That would bee most enjoyable," said Utakee.

The three made their way around the school, Mezamee and Miranda were amazed at all the things they saw and made notes all the while. As they walked they saw a great number of personal moving about. From what McGonagall could see some of the personal were installing stuff while others were exploring. By dinner that night the newcomers had completely settled into the castle and the surrounding area. During dinner McGonagall told the students not to fear the newcomers and that they were there to protect the school. At the teacher table sat on either side of the headmistress were Miranda and Mezamee. The two were no doubt impressed by what they saw.


	6. On hold

_**Halo vs. Hogwarts is on hold till further notice.**_

_**I have lost interest in it.**_

_**So don't expect a chapter any time soon.**_


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